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Nickelodeon On-Line episode descriptions

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These are short CEIA episode descriptions used in the Nickelodeon folder on America On-Line.

Warning: Some of the descriptions below contain what I would consider major ``spoilers''!

In addition...

Thanks to a certain list member for providing these.

101 -- ``Revenge''
When younger brother Ferguson displays her training bra in show and tell, Clarissa hatches a plan to send Ferg-face into outer space via helium balloons and a straight jacket.
102 -- ``School Picture''
Clarissa is determined not to wear the same old blue cardigan and knee socks for her school picture and devises a scheme to outfit herself in the coolest clothes around.
103 -- ``No T.V.''
In an attempt to get around her mother's mandate that there be no TV in the Darling home for a whole week, Clarissa connects her computer terminal to the cable converter and nearly blows up the house.
104 -- ``Urge To Drive''
Although she's too young for a driver's license, Clarissa is consumed by the desire to aquire a 1976 Gremlin she finds in the want-ads.
105 -- ``Clarissa News Network'' [sic: ``CNN'']
Clarissa decides that news is cool, and that she'd rather be Jane Pauley than anyone else in the world. Her first story is her mother's midlife crisis, which is triggered by a college pal showing up in town as a successful modern dancer.
106 -- ``Haunted House ''
Clarissa is faced with the terror of a visit from her Canadian Aunt Mafalda, who's capable of hugging the life's blood out of helpless young relatives. Clarissa enlists Ferguson's help in trying to scare Aunt Mafalda out of the house.
107 -- ``Bully''
When a greedy bully forces Ferguson to hand over his big sister's walkman, Clarissa decides to stand up and fight. It's not her fists but her spirit that KO's the bully, and he winds up falling for Clarissa.
108 -- ``New Addition''
Using her deductive powers, Clarissa determines that her parents are having a baby. She orchestrates a series of demonstrations to try to dissuade them, only to discover they're actually adding a new room on to the house.
109 -- ``Brain Drain''
An I.Q. test result has Ferguson believing that he is really a genius. His dreams of creating a model society come crashing down when he goes head-to-head with Clarissa on a game show called ``Brain Drain''.
110 -- ``Clarissa Makes A Cake'' [sic: ``Bake a Cake'']
Clarissa pitches in to help celebrate her parents' anniversary. Unfortunately a couple of things get in the way of the party -- her parents stop talking to each other, and Clarissa's cake nearly explodes.
111 -- ``Parents Who Say No''
In an effort to break free from the shackles of ``kiddie'' jobs like babysitting, Clarissa asks for permission to apply for a job at the Baxter Beach Carnival. Her parents say no, but Clarissa perseveres only to wind up running the day care center at the fair.
112 -- ``Cool Dad''
Clarissa is mortified by the prospect of her dad speaking at her school's career night. To no avail, he tries to get hip quick. His speech winds up making her proud even if he does hug his T-square during it.
113 -- ``Sick Days''
When Clarissa is asked to play the part of a column in a pageant celebrating ancient Greece, she hatches a plan to get sick. The pageant turns out to be really cool, but it's too late -- Clarissa's plan has taken effect and she's grounded.
114 -- ``Clarissa's Crush'' [sic: ``Crush'']
Clarissa gets a major crush on local weatherman Flip Fontana. Her rational head is horrified by the foolish state of her heart. Despite her best efforts, she can't stop daydreaming about him and trying to concoct ways to meet him. When she finally meets Flip, she discovers he's an airhead and concludes that the best remedy for a crush is actually meeting the person you have a crush on.
115 -- ``She Drives Me Crazy''
With a Mazda Miata grand prize as incentive, Clarissa enters a magazine contest, ``My Brother - What a Guy'' and grossly exaggerates Ferguson's qualities. The editor visits the Darlings and uncovers the truth about this sibling relationship. It turns out that honesty is the best policy after all.
116 -- ``Sam Darling'' [sic: ``Sam.....Darling'']
Sam stays with the Darlings while his father is away and becomes the perfect son. Sam and Clarissa are working on a school project, but he spends so much time being polite to her parents, that he never has time for Clarissa, and she feels left out.
117 -- ``President Ferguson''
Ferguson runs for school President and turns the Darling household into his campaign headquarters. Clarissa and Sam plot to suppress Ferguson's ego. When he learns that most of his classmates don't know he exists, he uses Clarissa's popularity to help his campaign.
118 -- ``The Return of Aunt Mafalda'' [sic: ``The Return of Mafalda'']
Janet and Marshall go to New York and invite overbearing Aunt Mafalda to stay with Clarissa and Sam, just as Clarissa plans a slumber party for kids only.
[Note: Aunt Mafalda comes to stay with Clarissa and Ferguson.]
119 -- ``The Great Debate''
Marshall plans to build a new video store in the mini-mall. Janet protests the building of mini-malls and Clarissa is stuck in the middle. Clarissa and Sam debate this issue in Mr. Futtstein's class as practice.
[Note: Marshall is designing the entire mall!]
120 -- ``ME 101''
After failing a magazine quiz on ``How Well Do You Know Your Daughter,'' Janet attempts to get to know Clarissa better. With a crash course in ``Clarissa 101'', Janet catches on to an extreme, becoming ``one of the girls'' and even dressing like Clarissa.
121 -- ``The Understudy''
Clarissa gets chosen as the understudy for the lead in the school play. She is extremely happy about this ``easy job'' until the lead comes down with strep throat on opening night.
122 -- ``Can't Buy Love''
Ferguson's new friend, J. Elliot Fundsworth III befriends Ferguson to get to Clarissa's diary which he sees as his ticket into the Junior Yacht Club. But once he's accepted, J. Elliot learns that belonging to select organizations is not all it's cracked up to be.
[Note: This is either backwards or just badly worded. Here's a little clarification: Ferguson is trying to get into the Yacht Club; he gives Clarissa's diary to J. Elliot, who has a crush on Carissa, in order to get into the club; Ferguson is the one who is accepted and who learns the lesson about belonging to select organizations.]
123 -- ``The Misguidance Counselor'' [sic: ``Misguidance Counselor'']
Clarissa's school guidance counselor makes Clarissa take Home Ec in an effort to make her more ``normal.'' After a week of forsaking the true Clarissa in the name of normal, Clarissa concludes that one person's normal is another's abnormal.
124 -- ``Sam in Love''
Clarissa helps Sam win the affections of Elise Quackenbush as any good friend would. But when Sam cancels plans he made with her to go out with his new girlfriend, Clarissa [is] no longer sure how she feels about this new woman in Sam's life.
125 -- ``The New Look'' [sic: ``A New Look'']
A commercial producer spots Marshall in the mall and chooses him as ``the perfect face'' Marshall fully embraces his role as male model and engages in body building and calorie counting until he finds out he's been chosen for a dogfood commercial.
[Note: It was a magazine ad.]
126 -- ``Total TV''
For a school assignment, Clarissa spends one weekend watching TV. After discovering that most show [sic] on TV are boring, Clarissa invents ``New and improved Interactive Clarissa Vision.'' She also concludes that TV can be a lot more fun if we occasionally interact with it by turning it off.
[Note: She spent 24 hours watching TV.]
127 -- ``Janet's Old Boyfriend'' [sic: ``Janet's Boyfriend'']
Joey Russo, Janet's first love is back in town and she invites him to dinner despite Clarissa's apprehension, Ferguson's delight and Marshall's jealousy. Janet discovers the past is not all it's cracked up to be and it's better to look forward to the future.
[Note: I don't think it's clear whether Joey Russo was actually Janet's first love.]
128 -- ``Darling Wars'' [sic: ``The Darling Wars'']
Clarissa and Ferguson are left at home alone, together, for one glorious evening of pranks, insults and complete sibling fun. Things get a little scary when noises are heard, muddy footprints are found and a man appears in the kitchen.
129 -- ``Poetic Justice''
Suffering from writer's block, Clarissa turns to her computer to help her finish an assignment for which she must write a poem. Not only does the computer ``write'' a strange but well-loved poem, but also Clarissa is chosen to represent her school at a banquet for young poets.
130 -- ``Sam's Swan Song''
Sam's mom, Debbie, comes to town to play in a roller derby match. Although she is the ``Most Valuable Slayer,'' she announces that she wants to quit the derby and take Sam back to Seattle to live with her for good. As they reminisce about all the great times they've had together, Sam and Clarissa prepare to say goodbye.
131 -- ``Punch The Clocks''
Clarissa is broke and decides to get a job. She declines to use Ferguson's job placement business, but lets the librarian help her with her resume and job search. Clarissa gets multiple job offers, all of which she accepts. A major burnout causes her to be fired from all her jobs and owe money in damages.
132 -- ``The Silent Treatment''
Ferguson has decided to torture Clarissa by giving her ``The Silent Treatment.'' Clarissa retaliates by devising a software program designed to gross him out when he steps into the bathroom. But Marshall accidentally becomes the recipient of this prank and Clarissa has no choice but to admit defeat to Ferguson.
[Note: She did not devise the software program, but she did use it to design the bathroom prank.]
133 -- ``Involunteering''
Janet recruits the whole family to participate in Volunteer Day at the Children's Museum. Clarissa desperately wants to get out of this assignment and lucks out when the museum closes because of boiler problems. Unfortunatley, she unwittingly makes a suggestion that brings Volunteer Day, and a swarm of rambunctions [sic] tykes, to the Darling household.
134 -- ``Take My Advice...Please''
Ferguson has fallen in love and is asking everyone for advice, including Clarissa, who wants to give him the worst advice possible. Yet every bad idea she gives him works in his favor and all the girls go crazy for him. Clarissa decides to destroy the monster she created. Her new advice to Ferguson is ``just be yourself.''
135 -- ``Marshall's Mid-Life Crisis''
Marshall's birthday is coming up and a mid-life crisis is getting him down. Meanwhile, Clarissa is obsessed with mastering driver's education, which she's taking next semester. She suggests that a new car would give Marshall a better outlook on life, but Marshall decides instead to move the family to Mango Island, a tropical paradise.
136 -- ``Football Fever''
Marshall bets his neighbor that Ferguson can make the varsity football team. Ferguson, tempted by the offer of a cellular phone, practices in the backyard and proves himself inept. Then he gets a brilliant idea: He will market himself as The Smallest Student Football Player. Clarissa decides to wear Ferguson down with an overdose of exercise.
[Note: Actually, Marshall did not bet that Ferguson could make the team; this is a small but important point!]
137 -- ``Life of Crime''
Clarissa inadvertently walks out of a clothing store with a bustier she didn't pay for. She is overcome with guilt and has nightmares about being a hunted criminal. Sam and Ferguson want to know why Clarissa is suddenly so paranoid. When she finally confesses her crime to them they help her solve the dilemma of returning the garment.
138 -- ``Marshall's Parents Come to Visit'' [sic: ``Marshall's Parents Visit'']
Clarissa is glad her grandparents are the one thing in her life that never changes. She looks forward to their visit because she gets to be the DJ at their anniversary party and also plan non-stressful activities for these old timers. Things get complicated when they show up as radically changed people and Sam gets tickets for a Pearl Jam concert scheduled on the night of the party.
139 -- ``Blind Date''
Sam sets up himself and Clarissa on a double blind date. Clarissa is beseiged by visions of a blind date from hell. But after Sam describes how cool her date is, she begins to think that she might be the geek. Meanwhile, Ferguson's attempt to represent his parents in small claims court results in several countersuits.
140 -- ``The Flu''
When Marshall and Janet come down witht [sic] the flu, it's up to Clarissa and Ferguson to take care of the household chores. Ferguson is sent to the store to buy ingredients for chicken soup, but returns with 8 pounds of chocolate goodies. A big snowstorm prevents Clarissa from making a return trip and they have to take care of their sick parents with no actual food in the house.
141 -- ``ESP R Us'' [sic: ``ESP R US'']
Clarissa and her friend Olivia often share the same thoughts and tastes, so Olivia is convinced she's a psychic. Clarissa decides to have Olivia take a psychic test to prove her wrong. When the test results arrive they're accompanied by a bill for $99.95. Now it's up to Olivia to use her ESP to pick the winning Lotto number so they can pay the bill.
142 -- ``Commitment''
Clarissa likes Clifford, but she isn't ready to go steady. He dates another girl who spreads a rumor that Clarissa is too fickle to commit. Clarissa decides to prove her wrong by going steady with another boy, who winds up sapping her energy with all his extra-curricular activities. Meanwhile, Ferguson wants to get into the Guinness Book of World Records by making the world's largest rubber band ball.
143 -- ``Roadtrip'' [sic: ``Road Trip'']
The annual family vacation to Lake Winnemucca is usually filled with doom and disaster. But this year is going to be different. . . the whole family is going to the Grand Canyon!
144 -- ``The Bicycle Thief''
Clarissa poo-poos riding her bike as she approaches driving age. . . until her bike is stolen and realizes how useful it is as transportation.
145 -- ``Boy Thoughts''
Ferguson convinces Clifford to star in his cable access show called ``Boy Thoughts.'' Once the show is a hit, Clifford doesn't have time for Clarissa.
146 -- ``Hero Worship''
Eve, the meek and mousy new girl in school, worships Clarissa and starts copying her style. Clarissa gets fed up when she starts taking over her life.
[Note: Not really taking over her life, but living it.]
147 -- ``A Little Romance''
Sam comes in after a bad date. Clarissa tells him he just hasn't found the right ``one'' yet. As they list the qualities of the perfect girl for Sam, it occurs to him that the perfect girl is... Clarissa! They try going out on a date but after a disaster of an evening, they both decide to just remain friends. They kiss.
148 -- ``The Zone''
Clarissa goes to music class and the only instrument left is the flute. It used to be a drag to play but lately she's been playing effortlessly and beautifully. Mrs. Doppeldew, the music teacher, wants Clarissa to do a flute solo at next week's music recital. Clarissa becomes nervous and loses her concentration. She has to get back to ``The Zone'' where she can become ``one'' with her instrument.
149 -- ``Tale of Two Moms''
Sam's mom Debbie is in town for two weeks for the Roller Derby playoffs. Sam is upset because he never gets to really see her and the hotel she's planning on staying in is across town. Clarissa invites Debbie to stay at her house. The house becomes chaotic when Debbie tries to take over.
[Note: Debbie doesn't ``take over'' -- she's just too messy and clumsy.]
150 -- ``Don't I Know You?'' [sic: ``Don't I Know You'']
Clarissa carefully scrutinizes a portrait she found in the attic of Madame ``CL''. Janet tells her it was her great-great aunt once removed. Olivia comes over and convinces Clarissa to dance with her in the talent show against champion talent show winner Cindy Sparkle. Olivia becomes sick with the flu and Clarissa has to go solo. She hopes her aunt's journal will give her some helpful show-stopping hints.
[Note: Small wording problem: Clarissa, of course, found the portrait of ``CL'' in her own attic! :-) ]
151 -- ``Babysitting''
After being asked to babysit Little Elsie Soaperstein, Clarissa prepares for her dangerous babysitting job with this little monster.
152 -- ``Educating Janet''
Janet's a substitute teacher at Clarissa and Ferguson's school for two weeks. Clarissa feels it's cramping her style and is miserable when Janet is offered a permanent position.
[Note: Clarissa thinks Janet is being offered a permanent position.]
153 -- ``The Cycle''
Clarissa is dropping hints about how badly she wants a car, but her parents just keep saying ``NO CAR''! But they didn't say ``NO MOTORCYCLE''!
154 -- ``A New Mom''
Clarissa has a history assignment: take something old, tired, and worn out and reinvent it. Clarissa tries to remodel her mother.
155 -- ``Editor in Chief'' [sic: ``Editor-In-Chief'']
Clarissa becomes the editor in chief for her school newspaper. Sam also decides to work for the paper by writing alternative music reviews. Clarissa explains she has to be objective and can't play favorites, but is starting to feel like being a responsible journalist means being responsible for finding work for everyone else.
156 -- ``Piper Comes To Visit''
Janet's old college roommate (Kokie) and her daughter (Piper) come to visit. Clarissa tries to entertain Piper but Piper remains aloof.
157 -- ``Alter Ego''
Clarissa and Sam go to a party dressed as cool, hip, outrageous characters. Clarissa creates a whole new persona named ``Jade'', meets a really cute guy, Paulie, and gets deeply involved in her charade.
158 -- ``Sam's Dad''
Clarissa and Sam sign up for the school ``intern'' program and experience the loony ``real world'' while working for each other's father.
[Note: ``Loony''??]
159 -- ``The Firm''
Clarissa needs some help filling out some scholarchip [sic] forms for college. But she's reluctant to ask Marshall for help because everytime she does, her Dad goes overboard and takes over the situation entirely. The scholarship can be used to study anything... but what should Clarissa choose?
[Note: It seems to me that this description misses the whole point of the episode!]
160 -- ``Janet & Clarissa, Inc.''
Clarissa has a class assignment to invent and market an environmentally safe product. Janet is in the kitchen making health treats which are delicious and they bounce when dropped on the floor. What a great idea for a fun new food product: ``Bouncy Balls''. Clarissa actually has people interested in ordering Bouncy Balls, but could she and her mom go into business for real??
161 -- ``Ferguson Explains it All''
Ferguson commiserates on being the youngest in a family. No matter what... he's always the victim. But starting today, things will never be the same. Ferguson has ordered a pair of mind control glasses. A mere glance will have people in his power. He searches everywhere for Clarissa -- she's the first family member he's going to put under his mind control spell.
162 -- ``Dear Clarissa''
Since Clarissa has so many opinions these days, she thinks it would be really cool to be a professional opinoin-giver [sic]. Her advice column has been in the school paper for a few days and the response has been great but the letters have been pretty silly.
163 -- ``U.F.O'' [sic: ``UFO'']
Clarissa discovers that real science can be really weird. After interviewing a woman who supposedly spotted a U.F.O., Clarissa decides to get to the bottom of the U.F.O. phenomena [sic] herself.
164 -- ``Clarissa Gets Arrested''
Clarissa is tired of people being apathetic about important issues and she decides it's time to take action. She discovers that Woolcott Industries is still doing animal testing at the local plant. Clarissa is determined to write an editorial blasting them and, in addition, she and Sam stage a peaceful protest outside the plant. Both Sam and Clarissa wind up in jail debating over whose parents to call and come bail them out.
165 -- ``The Last Episode'' [sic: ``The Final Episode'']
Clarissa ponders how weird the time space continuum is. Clarissa's last assignment for the Dispatch will be an article dedicated to the future... where will everyone be in 20 years?

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